Today is National Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Awareness Day...a day that we come together as a loss community to remember our children that are absent from this earth, but very present within our hearts and minds...
This past week, a mother stood across from me and the words "I am a child loss mom too" came out in the middle of a conflict that we were trying to resolve. It was at that very moment, that the conflict didn't really matter anymore, but her pain did Her pain met my passion and everything else became so small...
I am going to share our story today...everyone meet "Jacob's mama."
After a couple of days passed, I reached out to her understanding the pain and the heartache she felt. I wanted to let her know I was always willing to be an ear for her if she ever wanted to share her story, her son, with me.
I also knew I would be doing something special for our Matthew on October 15th, the National Day of Remembrance, as I do every year, and I wanted to extend the invitation for her to join me...
Unsure of how she would respond, I wanted to ask her to participate in this beautiful moment. I didn't know if she had ever done anything like this, however I followed my mama heart and called!
She said yes!
We planned to meet at the beach and have a moment of mama reflection time that our babies so deserved. It was me and my friend...a couple of sticks and two hearts that knew the sting of kissing our boys goodbye...
We talked, we shared stories, there were tears...there was healing.
Although we have known each other for quite some time, I did not know that she lost her son...until the day she was brave enough to tell me. That day changed our friendship into a bond that only child loss mothers understand. I say "brave" because she was brave to tell me. It is hard to say those words to someone...for with those words come memories and pain...but what I have learned is with those words also come healing...
I was so happy she was able to tell me...immediately, all other issues at hand were gone. It didn't matter that we stood on opposite sides of political parties...it didn't matter what her beliefs were...what mattered was her heart. It mattered that her heart hurt and I could reach out to her to bridge the gap with love and compassion...and she was a willing recipient.
We each wrote our son's names in the sand...the moment of remembrance was very special and sacred, tender and sweet...it was even more special when two butterflies flew between us. We smiled.
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As we stood by the ocean's edge, we talked about how our differences didn't matter to us...we knew that agreeing to disagree was part of life, as was death...and compassion for others and each other is what changes people and perspectives...
We agreed to disagree and still love each other and support each other. And it was right! It was good! It was simple! It was simple because caring for someone else that you know has experienced pain is simple! It is compassion at work! Love on duty! It is who we want to be! It is who we want to raise our children to be.
This world is tough enough...
This world is full of pain...
And this world is full of people that are hurting...
I am convinced that when we open our hearts and extend our reach to others, we will find someone that needs a hand to hold, someone that knows our pain as well...and when we do, if we take the time to show compassion and love, gaps will continue to be bridged along the way!
We need gaps bridged!
The most sacred place of my heart, I opened to someone who is on the other side of the political arena as me...and y'all know what? It wasn't scary, it wasn't hard (at all) and it was beautiful!
This was a first for Jacob's Mama and I believe it began a whole new healing process and outlet for her heart! This is why I love to do what I do! There is such an incredible joy in my heart when I can connect with mamas that share their pain and their children with me, I am honored. I was very honored to spend time with Jacob's Mama and learning about him, his story and his precious life. His mama loves him very much!
So, on this special day of remembrance and awareness, I send out love to each and every one of you that know the pain of child loss...and I want to give a special thank you to Jacob's Mama for being brave enough to take this journey with me today!
And I thank our boys for bringing us together! There were no lines drawn in the sand that we couldn't cross because the love we had for our boys and other hurting hearts made sure of that!
And I thank our boys for bringing us together! There were no lines drawn in the sand that we couldn't cross because the love we had for our boys and other hurting hearts made sure of that!
You are not alone! I promise, you are not alone!
Signing off with great hope and love...
Matthew's Mama