I tend to...

I tend to think about you every day...
I tend to dream about you every night...

I tend to cry a little here and there...
I tend to smile too...

I tend to your grave...
I tend to your garden...

I tend to your belongings in special places...
I tend to your brothers and your daddy...

I tend to look at your pictures daily...
I tend to remember what it felt like to feel  you kick...

I tend to want you here all of the time...
I tend to rejoice for where you are there is eternal life...

I tend to love you more each day...
I tend to miss you more every night...

I tend to take your blanket and hold it close...
I tend to take the tiny hand molds and put them to my cheek...

I tend to take the little blue bear and embrace it for dear life...
I tend to remind myself you are safe and well...

I tend to my grief...
I tend to your brother's and your daddy's grief...

I tend to hurt more in July...
I tend to cry more, like today...

I tend to relive those moments I had of pure joy with you...
I tend to hear the echo of myself screaming when I lost you...

I tend to hate the grass when it tries to grow over your special space...
I tend to love when the sun shines down on your tree...

I tend to so much sweet boy...
I tend to everything but you...

I wish I was tending to your special 7th birthday party arrangements, finding the perfect cake, as you know I am crazy about that kind of stuff!  I wish I was tending to the guest list, the presents, the perfect way to put an Ole Miss theme to it for your dad! ;)  I wish I was at Target or Academy right now finding a baseball bat that would be just for you... I wish I was putting a big red bow on it.

Instead I am tending to my heart, tending to let the tears flow, tending to counting my blessings as I remember how very special it is to be your mom.  I tend to think I am one blessed mama to call you mine!

You are mine and you are a gift, a gift from God!  And I INTEND to spend my forever with you in eternity.

And until that day when I see you again, I will tend to everything I can to get me there...

On the eve of your 7th birthday with Jesus, I tend to love you and miss you more than I ever have!

I am going to close my eyes and imagine heaven has a Hotty Toddy flag waving, decorations in red, white and blue and that even without a fancy new baseball bat from mom and dad, you are already on your field of dreams...  and tonight I will be remembering the last few moments we had together here on earth and knowing that I am one sleep closer to seeing you again!

I love you deeply sweet, beautiful boy of mine!  Get ready for your "Seventh Heaven!" (click to read article for Still Standing Magazine)

I love you to the moon & back...