That question... again!

"Good morning Mrs. Weatherly, I am calling to do your pre-op for next week and would like to go over your medical records."

Boy, she didn't know what she was in for, I bet!

For well over 7 years and 4 months I have had to answer the very same questions for so many pre-ops, doctors, new nurses, insurance companies, medical supply places and hospitals!

It NEVER gets easier!  I am fine with the list of surgeries, medications... etc... but then comes the "when was your last menstrual cycle?"  Well, let's see... this is where I can feel my blood getting a little hot within me and I take a deep breath and tell them I had a hysterectomy.  "Partial of full?"  Well, really?  I sometimes (okay so most every time) want to scream they took ALL of me including my baby!  It's ALL gone!)  And then I take my breath and say "partial."  But really having ovaries does't make it any easier to answer that question. I was not asked to have my uterus taken out, it was necessary to save my life.  So when I realized my baby was gone and I would also never have the option to birth another baby in my body, it wasn't that pretty... at all.  (But I sure did birth one in my HEART and it is NO DIFFERENT!!!)

Then comes the questions... "What happened?  What happened to cause this?  Where you in a car accident?"  Sometimes I would like to say Yes, yes I was in a car accident while doing something really stupid and I caused this... that would make THIS easier for me... ALL of these medical problems, these tests and procedures, these hospitals and pain... because ALL OF THIS is related to my baby dying!  All of it!  And THAT is the hard part!

Do you know how awful it is to relive every moment with an operator over the phone who is just doing their job?  Or a new nurse who walks in the room and starts to do what she is trained to do?  I find  myself fighting the option to scream at them, but you know it is their job to ask these questions and to do it correctly.  I am pretty sure over the years many people I have crossed paths with in the medical profession have gotten off of the phone with me or rushed home to their children and wife and treated them kinder and were more grateful for the opportunity to have a BABY AND HAVE THEIR HEALTH.

Do you know how many times I have pointed to a "pain chart" and couldn't find a #308 on it with a broken heart and tears?  The highest those little yellow laminated things go is a #10 with a frown and tears.  And some of those days, it wasn't even physical pain that hurt so badly.

I can handle the procedure, the tests, the doctors, etc... but something about "that question" get me every single time... every single time.

Today when she asked me THAT question, tears just popped out and I took a deep breath and clarified, I wasn't in a car accident... she didn't know and I knew that... I needed to be kind to her and patient and I could tell she felt awful asking me that question when she heard my response.  Another deep breath, I continued with kindness and tears emerging at the same time and she asked if I needed her to call me back.. I said "No ma'am."  I knew I could get through this as I had done so many other times, and I did,

I got through it with God giving me grace and the ability to be strong and answer those questions and leaving her with a great big thank you have a nice day at the end.

I hung up, with a few more tears, thanked God for my life, for blessing me with 3 beautiful boys and a husband that loves me absolutely unconditionally and eternally and family and friends that have supported me and loved me through some of the really worst times of my life.

We really can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength!

One year ago today, my interview sharing my heart and my book aired on Lifetime TV.  I was a guest author on The Balancing Act.  I cannot help but be so grateful for the many opportunities I have had to help others through my pain and what my family and I have endured with losing Matthew and facing such extreme physical battles with my health.  In Matthew's honor and memory, I move one foot in front of the other every day to persevere through adversities helping others along the way.

I have definitely learned that the hardest days for me are the days I need to help others the most!  And those days bring me great joy in doing so!

Yes there are hard days and just some plain ole' hard moments, like I had earlier... but right now, procedure scheduled and unsure of what will come of it, my heart is full of joy.  I look forward to what is to come recognizing how far I have gone already!  XOXO!  Have a beautiful day!  I plan to!  :)))

Click here to watch:
Interview on The Balancing Act