"I want a baby or a BMW"

July 2, 2006, Matthew's 1st birthday in heaven and July 3, 2006, my 1st birthday without my son were difficult days to navigate for my husband.  He was desperate to help me or simply make me smile and he wanted to do everything and anything to try and do that.

He has always taken great pleasure in giving me gifts, especially on my birthday.  That first year in 2006, he didn't know what to do when I told him not to buy me any gifts.

That firm statement was followed by these firm words, "I want a baby or a BMW."  

YEP, I said that, exactly like that.

I am sure that made his gasp, just a tad!

We had just started the adoption process and I wanted a baby desperately.

Or a BMW.  (not so desperately)

That was it.

No pressure, right?

Not too long after those words rolled out of my mouth, I walked outside of my front door to see a shiny silver convertible BMW pulling in our driveway.

A gift from my husband

I got a BMW...

Two months later, I got a baby!

A gift from God

There's way more to this story, but I just wanted to let you know that the other day when I said "Money cannot buy happiness..." in my birthday thank you post, I really meant it!

The BMW didn't satisfy what was I was longing for in my heart...it didn't fill that void, just like all the other "stuff" I purchased didn't fill that void...

But that sweet baby that was placed into my arms two months later...that did!

Things are things...JUST things.

Although my car, my BMW, (To me, the initials stood for Baby Matthew Weatherly) was beautiful and special to me, it was a very temporary fix for empty arms and a heart that was searching for anything that would temporarily help me make it through another moment, another day...

If you have read my book, you will  now that shopping became my "fixer" during these times and that I would anticipate getting something and then be let down because it didn't "work."  Nothing-NO THING- "fixed" me.

I have learned so many lessons...at my own expense!  (pun intended!)

"I want a baby or a BMW," desperate words from me.  I often say I will never underestimate the desperation in a grieving mother because I am one and I understand what great lengths we may go to and what great lengths our spouse will travel too as well, anything, to help the pain, even if just for one temporary moment.

As I understand the desperation in that statement, I can also smile when reflecting upon it now...I can smile  because of the many memories we have on the very day we picked up Will in that BMW!  

I am going to be sharing that day in a blog post coming up!  It is so funny!  And sweet and a wonderful memory that we have.  Stay tuned!

For now I sign off with simple words if you are searching for something to fill your heart, it cannot be purchased...anywhere!

It cannot be bought!  But it can be given to you from above!

Love to all!

LCW