Monday, December 30, 2013

Where I've been...and where I am going in 2014!

Hello everyone! 

On the verge of the new year, I wanted to take a moment to share with you all today!

I have had lots of questions about where I have been lately, hopefully this will explain it a bit!  

When I wrote my article in November for Still Standing Magazine, I didn't know (at the time) that it would be my last, I just knew that while I was writing it, I was in a different place.  I share about that different place in my article and if you would  like to read that, you can do so here.

As I began to try and write for December, my heart told me it was time to put the pen (keyboard) away. And so after a year and a half of writing for Still Standing and developing some really wonderful relationships, it was time for me to step away.

I want to thank you ALL for reading, for following and for sharing your stories and your hearts with me! Thank you for all of the support, love and encouragement! Thank you!

My time at the magazine and here on my blog has been so healing and therapeutic for me.  I will never underestimate the healing that has happened through sharing words from my heart and from the stories each of you have shared!

I began my journey of writing publicly New Year's Eve of 2010 when I decided to write my book.  Since then, I haven't shut-up!  I think it is time to shut-up for a bit!  ;)

In all seriousness, when I was struggling in November with my decision, I had a dream.  I dreamed of Matthew.  It was such a beautiful dream and in my dream, I wrote the most beautiful words I have ever written to him.  When I woke up, I grabbed my pen to write down the words I spoke and wrote to him in my dream and I couldn't remember them...not one word.  But my heart was so full of love, joy and peace that I knew those words were still there, for me.

All  I could write down was "I dreamed I wrote the most beautiful words to you..."

That dream spoke very softly to my mama was time to keep those words sacred in my heart.  Deep in my heart where they are remembered.  I don't doubt for one moment that this dream was just what I needed to confirm the tug on my heart.

It was closure of some sorts for me. It was as if Matthew was speaking to me that it was okay to keep the words in my heart, his story had been told and it was time for me to embrace and find the beauty in this new place.  As hard as it was, I knew letting go was the right thing.

So I have been quiet, but quiet in a beautiful way!  I have been enjoying the freedom that has come along with this decision of living life away from the keyboard.  I have been living out loud without always wondering if I will write about it!  

I have had some really beautiful moments that could have made beautifully written stories...but for right now, they are beautiful memories in my heart.

One day I am sure I will be back behind the keyboard,  but for today, I am enjoying the amazing beauty around me in the lives of my children and my family!

There is truly a season for everything and I am embracing this like there is no tomorrow!  

I will always share Matthew's story, his life and the impact he had and still has on us all!  That is part of my "mama-hood!" He is my son and I love him as I love my other boys!  Always have, always will!  

This is the time I share him in a different way, like through my card line, "Three Cookies and a Kleenex!" And through the wonderful world of painting canvases.  It is so refreshing to create and just be in the moment, which is just where I need to be! (I absolutely love hearing all the stories about cards arriving with cookies and a Kleenex!  Makes me smile!) 

Matthew's story is woven in my book, my blog, the articles I have written at Still Standing, my card line and in my paintings. The colors he left behind are beautiful!  In some way, on any given surface or platform, I will paint with his colors the rest of my life!  Thank you sweet boy, thank you!

Thank you all for being here through the years!  Thank you!

I hope that wherever you are today, you will see the beauty that surrounds you and that you will embrace today like there is no tomorrow!  Life is so full of treasures!  Open your box!!!  May the jewels that surround you brighten your smile and fill your heart with love!

Happy New Year!

May God bless and keep you all!