Yesterday, on Valentine's Day, I called my sweet friend, my mentor, and as mentioned in my book, one of my 'honorary mamas.' Her husband of 50 plus years passed away recently, and I knew I wanted to call and tell her I loved her and was thinking about her.
We, are much alike. We both love to shop, paint and rearrange! (a lot!) So in our conversation, we were talking about her loss and our loss and we were expressing how some moments will catch us so off guard and before we know it, grief will have surrounded us. And we both agreed it can happen anytime, anywhere for any reason at all or for no reason at all. Grief. That's a mighty little word that can cause a lot of damage.
She began to tell me that she was doing a little rearranging... and in that moment, I reflected on all of the MANY talks we had prior to Matthew passing and our talks always led to shopping, painting or rearranging. I have always admired her eye for the finer things that one day I had hoped to afford. From her wardrobe to her draperies, class act, all of the way.
But since Matthew passed, and now her husband's passing... our talks are, well, different. When we talk now of shopping, painting and rearranging, we have different motives for doing those things. When you are grieving, you go to the mall looking for the perfect pair of shoes and matching handbag, come home and accessorize your latest dress purchase, look in the mirror and there you stand... You may have the finest ensemble when you walk into the room, but the purchase didn't do it, didn't fill your heart with what is missing. You may repaint a room 1000 times and each time the end result is the exact same, unsatisfying as the day is long. So you move on to rearranging the furniture... this chair here, this couch here... nah, doesn't look right... oh but this lamp here and okay, maybe... or maybe not. Nope. Nothing. So you wait until it is dark outside hoping the dim light in the lamp will give the room exactly what it is missing, the ambiance, the glow that will warm your heart. (anybody?) And night comes, and standing there in shoes that any girl would love to have, along with the finest threads adorning your body, in a room that still smells like wet paint, freshly organized and rearranged furniture and the lamp is turned on, and you cry. Yep, you cry.
The outfit, the walls or the room filled with furniture will never give you what you want. Peace. You cannot put a price tag on peace, but I sure know a million people who would buy it if they could. I tried. Epic failure. Epic.
If you are searching for peace today, I know where you can find it friend, and it is free! Completely free to us, in exchange for surrendering ALL to Christ!
Phil 4:7 'And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.'
I still shop (a lot), love to paint and really love to rearrange and sometimes grief is beside me while doing so... but God is also right beside me.
So as I close today, my mind is already thinking where my new frame should go and what I should rearrange to make it look better... ;) Not to mention looking at the calendar penciling in a shopping date with my sisters and mom! ;) (Maybe my husband will paint while I am gone!)
Love to all,