Friday, May 17, 2013

exhausted mom meets grieving mom...

Being a mom is exhausting some days, being a grieving mom is exhausting every day.

When the hustle and bustle of the ballgames are over, when the laundry is folded and put away, when the kids are fed and clean, the dishes washed, preparation for the next day is done, homework is complete, prayers spoken and everyone kissed goodnight, exhausted mom can go to bed to rest. But there she meets grieving mom that has accompanied her all day, every second.  There she cannot escape the presence of grief or the absence of her child any longer. There in the still of the night she sits.  Exhausted mom's duties are over and grieving mom is taking over.

Exhausted mom wasn't able to yield to grieving mom throughout the day, however, exhausted mom was very aware of her presence every moment, every moment. While exhausted mom functions to keep the house together, making sure tasks are handled with care and keeping her composure, grieving mom sits right beside her trying to balance the surge of emotions as she wishes she had just one more pair of socks to wash...one more fork to clean...one more baby to kiss goodnight.  For grieving mom never forgets there should be one more...

Exhausted mom is very protective of grieving mom and the cord that binds them together.  Grieving mom tries to be strong so exhausted mom can carry on throughout the day, but sometimes grieving mom needs a minute or two...Exhausted mom gives her all of the time she needs.

Exhausted mom will get an occasional day of "rest."  Perhaps Mother's Day or her birthday, but for grieving mom, these days only amplify the rawness and reality of her duties.

There is never an end of the day for grieving mom, rather a cycle that just repeats.  She wakes up (if she sleeps) to missing her child, she shops missing her child, she talks missing her child, she works missing her child, she does EVERYTHING IN LIFE, MISSING HER CHILD.  There is never a schedule for her grief, or specific time allowance for such. There is no calendar end to missing her child here on earth.  There is no relief squad to come in and lighten the load, this, only a grieving mom can carry.

When the season has ended, the kids have grown, and there are gray hairs and fine lines, ("Beauty Marks") that are evident to all, exhausted mom retires, but in those tender years, those golden years, grieving mom keeps going...until her last exhausted breath she grieves...

©2011-2013 All rights reserved http://facetsoflifeafterloss.blogspot.com/
Author~ Lori C. Weatherly



63 comments:

  1. Beautiful, heartbreaking, true. <3

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  2. Beautifully written! I hope people who've never lost a child read this so they can understand a little more, those of us who have. Thank you for writing this!

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  3. Incredible heart touching words. Thank you for sharing a piece of your grieving heart. Much love.

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    1. And thank you for taking the time to read them...much love back! XO!

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  4. To lose a child ... the hardest thing ever. Hugs and love, and huge thanks for sharing. You will bring strength, kind-hearted hugs of the reminder that it's okay to grieve and you're right...there's no expiration date for it. It changes over time...but it's there.
    Hugs~

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  5. Thank you...this describes me now as I am also on this journey of grief. My Samuel was 7 when he went to heaven in September. I shared your writing, so others could understand and get Glimpse in. thanks again, Mary Elisabeth

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    1. I am so sorry about your Samuel and that you are on this journey! Sending hugs to you!

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  6. Absolutely beautiful. Exactly how I feel, and have felt for the past 2 years, 9 months and 18 days.

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    1. Susan, I am so sorry you know how this feels...much love! XO!

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  7. All I can say is thank you for putting in writing how I feel. 7 years and 7 days have passed since grieving mom was born for me.

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    1. Hugs Maddie...I am so sorry for your loss! XO!

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  8. I have been truly blessed, I have never lost a child. My heart cries for those who have ...I don't know how you go on. God's peace to you all...your little angels are watching over you until you meet again. Your blog was so touching, it brought me to tears ...God's truly given you a blessing in being able to help others through their grieving.

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  10. Your words make me realise I am not alone on this journey of grief. I lost my baby boy, Elijah, shortly after birth, 10 months ago today. My days are filled with caring for his big brother, who is 3. My nights are filled with "what if's" & "should have beens". Trying to balance exhausted mum & grieving mum is a challenge for me every single day and you've described it so well. Thank you xxx (https:oneofseventeen.wordpress.com)

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    1. You are definitely not alone! I am so sorry for your loss...much love!

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  11. Hi. Thanks for your great post. That's exactly how I feel too. We lost our Daniel stillborn at 37 weeks on 21 Dec 2011 and I have since had several miscarriages. I am blogging my journey too and have been given a bit of disapproval for sharing my story publicly, so it's encouraging for me to see someone else doing it too. My blog is at http://emptyarmsachingheart.blogspot.co.nz/ if you are interested. Again, thank you and God bless you.

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    1. Thank you for reading my blog and for sharing your story with me... I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I believe that this kind of journey is so personal for everyone that is on it and if sharing about your loss will help you get through a moment or a day, then there is some healing in that. I know I have found great healing and therapy in writing and also am greatly encouraged when I can help someone else who is suffering loss too. It helps to know you are not alone and it helps when you can reach out and say "I understand..." I wish you the best and hope that you can continue to write. Sending hugs to you!!!

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    2. Thanks. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Matthew. Big hugs to you too.

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  12. Beautiful. Even though my grieving is just new I can never imagine that it will ever stop. I will forever feel that my boy is suppose to be here on earth with his family.

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    1. Cassandra, I am so sorry for the loss of your son...I wish he were here with you and your family too! XO!

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  13. I just found your blog and will go back and read all the entries. I lost boy/girl twins at 23 weeks.

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    1. Marie, I am so sorry about the loss of your precious babies. Sending you many hugs!

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  14. Thank you for writing what I couldn't put into words. It perfectly explains my days. While I never had her here on earth she was with me for 13 weeks before I lost my pregnancy along with so many hopes and dreams. 3 months and 13 days ago. I keep re-reading your post. I wish all my friends and family could see this.

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    1. Hi there Nellie~ I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I hope that you will know that you are not alone! Sending you many hugs today! XO!

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  15. Yes. Oh yes.

    I love this part especially, where the two sides of the mama take care of each other:

    "Exhausted mom is very protective of grieving mom and the cord that binds them together. Grieving mom tries to be strong so exhausted mom can carry on throughout the day, but sometimes grieving mom needs a minute or two...Exhausted mom gives her all of the time she needs."

    Beautiful.

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  16. On the night before what should be my daughter's 10th birthday, I feel the grieving mom so much more. Thank you for putting into words what too many of us feel.

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  17. This was so well written, and perfectly said! My son Alexander has been gone for 2 years and 4 months. I have a 13 month old and I am also pregnant - That is exhausting enough, but to add the grief of the loss of my son can be so overwhelming some days! There are many days, I wish I could just stay in bed all day long.

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  18. This was so well written, and perfectly said! My son Alexander has been gone for 2 years and 4 months. I have a 13 month old and I am also pregnant - That is exhausting enough, but to add the grief of the loss of my son can be so overwhelming some days! There are many days, I wish I could just stay in bed all day long.

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    1. Big hugs to you! I am so sorry about the loss of your precious son. Thank you for sharing with me and for reading. You are not alone. I wish it were so different. XO!

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  19. This is so true. Those moments never stop.

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    1. Those moments don't stop, you are so right! XO!

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  20. You have so beautifully put into words how those of us who have lost a child, yet still have others to care for feel.

    My son was three months past his third birthday when he was diagnosed with cancer, and a little more than three months shy of his fifth birthday when his journey with us ended. This October marks his fifth angelversary-the year he will have been gone longer than he was her with us.

    Since he has passed, he had two siblings born in addition to the two older siblings he knew. I so wish their brother was more than just a name, pictures and videos-I wish he was their playmate, their sidekick-their friend. I wish I could watch him grow along side of his four siblings. The list of "I wish"'s goes on and on.

    I am thankful to both exhausted and grieving mom. They both have their strengths, their weaknesses. But mainly they share the love of a child who she carried part of in her body even as she was developing in her own mother's womb. This child who grew inside of her, and she loved from that first positive pregnancy test before she could even feel his tiny little movements. The child who burst into the world, and in four short years made her laugh, made her cry, and became her hero...

    Your post made me realize that I have to give more time to both exhausted mom and grieving mom-both of who are always with me-just like my son.

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    1. Oh Jen, I am so sorry about the loss of your precious son. It hurts my heart so much. Thank you for reading and for sharing your children and your story with me. Your words touched me greatly.

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  21. I lost my Mia to cancer last September. She was 5 when she passed and my last baby. I often feel so lost. I have 2 other girls but they are 15 and 20. They don't need me like Mia did. I was never alone when Mia was alive, now it seems like I'm always alone, and that makes grieving so much harder. This was beautifully written.

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    1. I am so sorry about the loss of sweet Mia...I send many hugs to you today and hope by reading this, you know you are not alone here. Thank you for reading and for sharing your heart with me.

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  22. I cannot amplify how well put into words this passage is. My sweet Alexander would have been 10 years old this month along side his surviving twin sister Sophie. And these are the exact words my heart feels everyday....thank you♥♡

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    1. Thank you for reading Veronica. And for sharing your sweet son Alexander with me. Sending lots of love to you and hugs! <3

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  23. How true this is; only a mother who has lost a child would know! Thirty seven years later, grieving mother is still here! Her presence allow the tears to flood my eyes. The tears almost immediatly roll down face; making me aware of how raw it still is after all these years! Sending prayers to you and the many others who have or will eventually feel this awful feeling!

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    1. OH hugs to you mama...Thirty seven years :( Prayers right back to you! Thank you for reading and for sharing with me!!!

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  24. Beautifully written. I cannot fathom your losses. I have friends who have had children die from accidents or illness and it is horrible to witness. I pray for all of you.

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  25. This is exactly how it is: waiting for the day to end so that I can go to bed and cry away from the rest of the world.

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  26. This is so true. I lost my 18 year old in January and this is exactly how I feel.

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    1. Nicole, I am so very sorry about the loss of your son. Heartbreaking...Hugs to you sweet one!

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  27. Rarely has a piece of writing spoken to me like this one does. Grieving mom became an unwelcome guest in our home in Dec/08. Many times exhausted mom and grieving battled as I tried to balance caring for my three children while I cared for a premature newborn who was identical to the baby grieving mom had arrived with, who left so she could stay.
    What exhausted mom learned was that by pushing herself beyond exhaustion to help support other grieving moms and moms who were 'just' exhausted from battling the monster TTTS, the monster that caused the arrival of so many grieving moms, she could live closer to harmony with grieving mom.
    Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for reading Jodie. I must say that this piece is one of my dearest to my heart that I have written. It is truly my heart poured out and I am so glad that many people have connected with it. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Truly you felt this piece. I am so sorry for your loss...Sending much love and hugs to you!

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  28. My Ashley Brooke was taken from me 21 years and 8 months ago at the age of 7, yet it seems like only yesterday....That monster we call "cancer" robbed her of her childhood and life...This article hit home for me.....She is with me always an forever....

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    1. Cancer STINKS! I am so very sorry it took your precious baby girl! So very sorry! Big hugs to you!

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  29. Josh has been gone 11 yrs 2 months and 8 days I feel alone in my grieving and I will NEVER forget him but your blog says it so right some times I feel guilty for moving forward with our 3 other boys and their families. Josh was 17 yrs old 1 month from turning 18 - 2 months from starting his senior year of high school and we lost him in a vehicle accident a moment NEVER goes by that I don't MISS his. Thank You I LOVE YOU JOSHUA DANIEL TOWNSEND

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    1. Oh Deborah, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I send you much love today. Thank you for reading and for sharing your precious Joshua with me!

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  30. Oh my word, this is so very true. I have four little ones to care for and lost twins in 2011. As much as I wish they were here for me to take care of, too, there are days when I feel like I will never ever feel rested again. Every part of me feels exhausted - emotionally and physically. Thanks for writing this so that I know other people feel this, too. I'm so sorry you do, though. <3

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  31. Oh my word, this is so true. I have four little ones to care for and lost twins in 2011. As much as I wish they were still here for me to take care of, too, there are days when I wonder if I will ever feel rested again. Every part of me is exhausted - physically and emotionally. Thank you for writing this so that I know others feel the same way, too. But I'm so sorry that you do. <3

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  32. Thank you for sharing a piece of OUR story... I lost my Judah last November 2012 when he suddenly died in utero at just under 6 months. I then miscarried in February and while trying not to, got pregnant with my 5th a week and half later. This 5th baby is due within days of Judah's first birthday, which has become a joyous thing, but this year has been one of great grief and loss. I can totally relate to you... it's during the "quiet moments" of the day - when I go to bed, shower, or am "alone," that I cannot stop thinking about the "what ifs." It's "nice" to know I'm not alone.

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  33. So very true...

    Mom to four....3 here with me and one who lives on in my heart and soul...

    Loving You Lizzy and missing you with every single breathe I take....

    Elizabeth Paine Cornes ( Busy Lizzy)
    8/14/96-2/25/07
    Forever 10 years old <3

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  34. This is beautifully written. I only lost my Mikayla 2 months ago, and I'm still trying to figure out the balance while parenting an almost-5-year-old and working full-time (and in the process of changing jobs and jumping through the various hoops needed for that). It is exhausting, and too often exhausted mom doesn't give grieving mom enough time. I need to work on that.

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  35. Thanks for sharing this and hugs all around to you and your family. My grief at the loss of our daughter was so overwhelming I finally had to put it away in a box on a shelf in a closet in my mind. At times when I was feeling stronger, I would get the box out and deal with the grief that was there, and then put the box away again. Over the years the grief in the box has lessened some and I have learned to handle opening the box a little better. But after 40 years, even with the Lord's help, there is still plenty of grief in that box, and I know I will take it to my grave with me. I do believe though that our DarlingGirl is in Heaven waiting for us, and when we get there, there will be no more tears. The GriefBox will be left behind.

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