Saturday, September 21, 2013

Still a "Mother," after child loss, title me this...

This morning, I was thinking about moms, ALL the moms, past present and future.

Then I started thinking about all of the former presidents and beauty pageant winners. WHAT?  I know, right?  

Stick with me for a minute and I'll finish my thought process...

When a president's term is over, he is no longer active as President of the United States anymore, yet he carries his title for life, the rest of  his life.  Long after he is gone, we acknowledge and respect his title associated with his name, as we should.  

When Miss America's reign comes to an end and she passes the crown to someone else, she may step out of the spotlight or off of her platform, yet she carries her title for the rest of her life.

I just googled Miss America 1963 and there she was, Jacquelyn Mayer.  It's pretty amazing, yeah?  I think so.  Google any year since the pageant began, and there she will be, another beauty that is forever etched into our history.

These are just two references that happen to be a great part of our history, but these are also two examples of something that goes a lot deeper than politics or pageants in my thoughts today.

Titles...this is about titles.

When you are expecting a baby, you are a mother.

When you have a baby, you are a mother.

When you lose your baby or your child, (no matter what age) you are STILL a mother.

You have the RIGHT to bear the title that sometimes the world strips away from you...

Your reign never don't just step off of the platform of motherhood and continue life as if your child never existed. (no matter what age)

You don't pass your tiara on to the next lady in line and move on...

Yet politicians and pageant winners do, (respectively)...and they still get to keep their titles.

And we respect and admire (okay, most of them...) them.  Well, regardless if we respect or admire them, the title stays.

It may be former or past before their name, but forever, they are known as what they each desired to become.

To become President of the United States or Miss America, diligent work is involved for many years, a hunger and desire is within their hearts to achieve their goal.  I won't pretend I know any of the "real" work involved into becoming either, but I do know the "real" work involved in becoming a mother...I know the desire to become a mother and I know the desire to stay a mother, to keep my title for my lifetime...

Do you see the parallel here?

I have two boys here that call me mom and I am so grateful, but I always miss that one little voice that I should be hearing...I am his mother, too, for my lifetime.

Many mothers that do not have any living children are never acknowledged today as a mother and that is sad to me.  I believe that is why so many find comfort within our baby loss community, because they desire their child to be recognized and remembered and they desire the title as a mother that they have worked so hard to achieve...and they deserve both and then some.

Motherhood begins with love and love begins at the beginning... 

Love begins at conception, but upon death, love should not be expected to end...

Mothers who carried their babies just a few short weeks, nine months, who have children that lived only a few moments or a full life but died before them, these are ALL mothers that are mothers for the rest of their lifetimes.  

You don't have to see a crown on someone's head to acknowledge that she was once a Miss America.  You know?

I love beauty pageants and am certainly not bashing them nor am I disrespecting political offices of any kind, I am simply stating that I wish that ALL mothers could maintain their titles that they so very much deserve for their lifetimes too.

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  1. This is a beautiful post. I have enjoyed reading your blog, so many things you write about really resonate with me.

    I just wondered if you would be interested in sharing any of your posts on our blog for bereaved parents? We would, of course, link back to your own blog.

    Our blog is and you can contact us at

    Thank you
    Clara x

    1. Hi Clara! Thank you for reading! I would be happy to share with you through the links, I will send you an email for more details. <3