Friday, November 1, 2013

I am not a "writer," BUT I am a Mama!

It is November 1st already!  This year has gone by so fast!

I have been enjoying some down time off of the computer but had my hands busy in many other things!  I am working on some special words to share with you all in time.  (Bear with me)  I have been processing a lot lately and processing  is a necessary part of life for me from time to time.

Today I wanted to share a few of my thoughts on an article I read a while back.  It was about "writers" and that everyone that writes thinks they are a "writer."  I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

I am not a writer.

Yes, I write here on my blog, yes, I write at Still Standing Magazine and yes, I even wrote a book and am going to write another one and maybe more after that.

But, I haven't been educated on writing or editing, I haven't taken online classes or had any training other than a single comp college course way back when that I cannot even remember.  I haven't engulfed my brain in countless hours of literature or poetry. I don't know when it is proper writing etiquette to use a semi-colon and such but I love these little dots.....and I use them a lot!  (for all of the "writers" in this world, I am sure that drives you crazy.)

But that's okay, I am not a writer.

I am an author, only because I wrote a book.  (and apparently, that gives you the right to carry an "author" title)  But, I don't even like that word.

I am simply a mama!  I am a mama that writes (shares) her heart, her passion and the way a little baby boy completely changed her life!

I misspell things, I use dots (......), I punctuate improperly, I probably break all of the "writer" rules, but I am okay with that too.

I am not a writer.

I am simply a mama that has experienced the gut wrenching pain of child loss and living life after.  

And if a misplaced comma disturbs someone, then you probably should be reading someone else's blog.  But if you are looking to read words from my heart and you are okay with all the dots...then you have found the right place to sit a while and read!

Being a mama is something I am good at,"writing" is not.  (the proper kind of writing, anyway.)  The one beautiful way I can mother Matthew is here through my words and there is never going to be an article I read that tells me I am not a mother!  

When I was growing up, I loved to write poems and such and I was pretty passionate about writing (sharing my heart) but I never dreamed one day I would be writing words that I write now.  Never.  

Many years ago, I read Max Lucado's book, A Gentle Thunder, and in it he speaks of two maestros listening to a young soprano sing.  It was said that the young soprano would sing much better once her heart was broken.

My heart was broken.  And writing to me is far different now than I ever would have imagined.  I would have to agree with the words that Max Lucado used in his book when applying them to people that write.  After loss, the pain creates a different kind of passion that before loss would have never been attainable.

If I were going to be technical (without training) about how I write, when to use a hyperbole or any of those other things I don't understand, for me, it would take away the beauty that lies within the words that come from my heart, that come from a place that is unedited and sacred to me.  I would place too much pressure on myself to make it all "right."  I definitely fit into the "unedited" version of life and writing.  I am good with that.  I tried to edit myself once, and it was a hot mess.  Never again!

This place, these words are sacred to me.  Being Matthew's mama is sacred to me and is a gift.  My words aren't wrapped in a neat little package with a degree, and they are certainly raw and messy but they are always real and from my heart.  

So to all of my fellow writing friends that have spent years studying and lots of money to earn your degree in literature or what have you, hats off to each of you!  I give credit to you and to every one of the carefully constructed words, proper etiquette and all that stuff that comes along with it!  I know you each have worked so hard and you deserve proper credit for doing so.  I give that and then some to each of you!

I have never wanted anyone to think I am a "writer" but simply want everyone to know I am a mother!  To three boys!  And writing is how I do that!

So, here's to all of you writing with  me!  Share your heart and your stories!  And don't be afraid to use a lot of dots.........SMILE!

*Photo Credit- Madella Jordan, Shutup and Smile Photography

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