on the altar...

This morning at church, we had special prayer for an infant that is not well.  There is a possibility that he has Bilirubin Disease.  He will undergo a test on his liver this week.

At the altar call, the father of this sweet tiny baby boy, laid him on the altar, and covered over him as he weeped and prayed for his son.  Tears flowed from my eyes and Ronnie's as we saw the immense pain this father was feeling.  The sweet baby was sucking on his pacifier as his father cradled him on the altar.  An image I will never forget.  A baby, I will never quit praying for.

My heart hurts, literally hurts as I see that image in my head... and feel the pain in my heart.  This baby, this precious baby with a father and a mother who are crying out to God on his behalf, has hit a nerve in my heart and I just cannot get him off of my heart.

As I looked at his dark hair, I thought about Matthew, and how I never got to lay over the altar to pray for him... for God to heal him... and I suddenly found myself so grateful that Matthew didn't suffer.  I just cannot fathom the fears and heartaches of tending to a sick child, how it must feel to be so helpless... the only thing one can do is drop to their knees and say "Dear God..."

I am reminded by the verse that is on Matthew's tombstone..."I prayed for this child and God has granted me what I asked of Him so now I give him back  to the Lord." - 1 Sam. 1:27-28

Wow, how powerful the image remains in my head of the father leaning over his son this morning... and taking this verse and applying it to what his  heart must be feeling...

There is something very raw in the image of that.

It has knotted my heartstrings up.

I know  my baby boy passed away, and I so wish it didn't happen.  I cannot stand the fact that I have to tend to a cemetery plot or release balloons on his birthday instead of taking him to Chuck E Cheese, but there is also a very tender side of my heart so very capable of feeling the desperation of being helpless in protecting my child. And an immense appreciation that my baby boy didn't lay in the bed with tubes and pic lines and monitors...

Every day, parents all over the world,  in our back yards, our counties, and in our communities,  are  desperate to save their children's lives... and they live at hospitals, they sleep  on the couch/ floor/ or wherever they have to to be near their baby or child...  If you are one of those parents, I am so very sorry.  So very sorry.

I don't understand why children get sick or pass away or why parents have to watch their children suffer... but I do understand that they would trade their lives for the health of their baby.  Just one day without suffering... I wonder how  many times a mother or father has said that?  I thought to myself looking at that innocent little boy laying on the alter in his daddy's arms... "God, I would give ANYTHING for him to be healed..."  Can you imagine his parents thoughts?

God please help them... Give them strength.

The desperation I saw in that daddy this morning cradling his baby on the altar is forever etched in my mind and I will never forget that image of the innocent and precious baby boy being prayed for and loved by his father with every emotion within him.

I can only  imagine how our Heavenly Father hovers over us in protection and in love...

Please pray for this sweet baby boy and his parents.

And if you are able to kiss your healthy children goodnight tonight, please understand, with great empathy, millions of people wish they could be doing the same.