Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Melody of Grief

The Melody of Grief

There once was a song within me, a beautiful, beautiful song.  A song that I couldn't wait to hear.

Feeling quite like an accomplished composer, the day arrived for me to birth this beautiful song that I had been nurturing for nine months.  I was full of anticipation to hear the melody that I had only dreamed of.

But something went terribly wrong.

The song was over before it even had a chance to play or be heard by anyone…

The song was over.

The melody of that first cry, the one I had longed to hear, had been replaced with terrorizing screams and moans from those around me.

The melody of my voice admiring how beautiful he was had been replaced with my blood curling screams “why isn't he crying?” 

The melody of “oohs and ahhs” had been replaced with “Oh My God!” and “Lord help us!”

The melody was not beautiful it was tragic!

The song was not supposed to be over!

The melody of the firsts had been replaced with the lasts.

The melody was harsh.

The melody was so unexpected.

The melody of life had been replaced with death.

The melody brought silent lullabies and a tiny cross that would stand firm in the ground to represent that the song was over.

The melody changed me.

The melody is never silenced even when the world is screaming around.  The melody plays on…

The melody grabs my soul from the very threads holding my heart together when the weakest of cries are heard from a small one nearby and it catapults me to places I don’t want to be.

The melody does not come with a fast forward button but generously offers the rewind button all too often along with the pause button, so unkind for it also offers the “what ifs” and “if only's.”

The melody of grief and the rhythm it carries are brutally exhausting.

The echo relentless.

The song may be over but the melody will last forever…

The melody of grief.


  1. Today, I'm exhausted and the melody seems to be on a constant loop. Hugs. You've survived another July. I'm always amazed when we survive another day. So grateful for Grace!

    1. Jamie, yes, we survived another July! Whew! Grateful for grace too my friend! Lots of love to you! <3

  2. Thank you for the post on fb about needing to be ready for "I Will Carry You". There are a few songs that I can't just listen to. I have to kind of prepare to hear them. Like Laura Story's "Blessings". Sometimes I can handle it fine, other times I kind of want to scratch her eyes out. Lol! I made the mistake of saying that to my sister in the car one day. Apparently that's not normal. Hence the comment he rather than on fb. Have you heard Nicol Sponberg's "Home"? Get yourself ready!

    1. Oh I agree! "Blessings" is a hard one for me to listen too as well! I am not sure if I have heard "Home" yet, but I will go and listen to it now! Guess I'll grab a tissue on the way! XOXO!!!