My "Missing Him Moments"

"Long drive + beautiful music = tears rolling down cheeks...sometimes a necessity. Let yourself have these moments..."

This was my Facebook status yesterday over at Facets of Life.

I wanted to elaborate a little more here today.

I believe these moments are necessary!

Tending to your heart after loss is so necessary and allowing yourself to feel when you need to feel...the good, the bad, the pain, the sorrow, these things are in there and need to come out.

Releasing, not suppressing the rawness of the emotions that you feel in the moment can bring cleansing to your heart and soul, even if for brief intervals.

Brief intervals to breathe are welcome...

I honestly had to learn that my emotions, feeling them, expressing them and releasing them were a very necessary part of grieving but also a necessary part of healing.

It was not possible for me to begin to heal until I learned to grieve.

The long drives, the short drives, walking on the beach, sitting at the park, in the pew at church, on my pillow at night, in the middle of the day outside, at the ball park...and many, many more places and spaces, I have learned to just be real with myself and let my mama heart feel what it needs to.  

I talk to God a lot.  And sometimes I just say "Dear God..."~ He knows my heart.  

Always, music, helps me.  Always.

I have my favorite CD, by Selah...and for those of you that have it and have lost a child, you certainly know what #15 is..."I Will Carry You."  And #3, "You Deliver Me" can you say rewind???  Times 1000?

And sometimes I just sit in the quiet and listen to the birds, the wind, the busyness of creation around me and it fills my heart with such peace.  Such peace.

Sometimes I need to cry.  Sometimes I need to laugh. Sometimes I need to dance.  Sometimes I need to write.

When I need to cry, I cry.  When I need to laugh, I laugh. When I need to dance, I dance.  When I need to write, I write.

These are all things that give to me healing moments, healing moments are also so welcome.

I crave a relationship and connection with my son and acknowledging these moments as they come satisfy my soul in a way I cannot explain.

I believe in these moments I draw nearer to God and that is where I feel so very connected to Matthew, and that is good, really, really good for my mama heart. Sometimes I don't want those moments to ever end...I smile because one day they won't have to!

I lost my son.  I miss him desperately.  Missing him is part of my life and I recognize the moments that I miss him and embrace them as they are...

"Long drive + beautiful music = tears rolling down cheeks...sometimes a necessity. Let yourself have these moments..." 

These are my "missing him moments"...and they are necessary.  




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