December 3, 2005- I wrote this in my journal, just five months and one day after Matthew died. It's real people...this is part of life and death; there is depression and pain and tears and fears...even with faith! If you feel like you have to be strong for everyone else, please stop! Words I don't remember writing but feelings I will never forget!
If you are depressed today, please talk to someone. You don't have to be "okay" for them, like I "thought" I had to be! PLEASE, don't do that to yourself!
I did that to myself for too long and don't want to see anyone else suffer the way I did. I am reaching my hand out to you.
I always tell others and often remind myself that "It's okay to be okay and it's okay to not be okay, but it's NOT okay to PRETEND you are okay when you are NOT okay. Okay?"
Healing for me started when I let God take the pain of losing my son and turn it into love for others who were experiencing the same. I am no stranger to pain...but with God's grace and mercy, that pain is now a labor of love...Please know you are not alone...