Saturday, February 18, 2012

and the thunder rolls... ;)

Our oldest son, Nathan, was just 5 years old when Matthew passed away, so as he would question us about heaven we would give answers that he could understand the best that we could.  One day as a storm was over us creating a lot of thunder he was scared and we told him that it was the "angels bowling in heaven."  I remember him hearing the loudest thunder after that, and he said "Well that  must have been God and I think he got a strike!"  It was almost as if he would anticipate another stormy day so he could hear the "angels playing and bowling with Matthew."  And to tell you the truth, we did too.  

This afternoon has been very bad weather here, lots of lightening and to our boys delight, thunder!  In case I was wondering what Matthew was doing up in heaven today... ;)

I often look to the sky wondering what Matthew is doing, often.  And usually playing around in my head are the lyrics to the song "I Can Only Imagine."   This song touches the hearts of so many people, has graced even the secular radio stations and reached an entire genre of people in incredible ways.  And when I hear the song, I can't help but wonder just what that day will be like... to see Jesus and to see Matthew... (insert big mama smile)  I can only imagine...  

That day WILL come and that fills my heart with such hope and joy.

Do you ever wonder what it will be like?  Do you ever wonder what your child is doing in heaven?  How awesome it is to know there is no suffering, no pain, no tears!  I love knowing Matthew is happy and full of peace and joy like none of us here can even imagine, although we try to!  I am smiling as I type this because the thunder is rolling...  :)  GO MATTHEW GO!  I think that was a strike! :)

Love to all,



  1. all. the. time.
    I wonder constantly...praying that Jack still has his wild hair and daddy's build...Which one of my relatives he is "hangin' with", and if Jesus truly tells him stories of me, or if Grandma does...or if he's found Keith Green and gets to worship alongside him...on and on...
    I just want to cry because your posts are just so comforting.
    i was beginning to think I was crazy for wondering constantly. And for pining for home.
    amazing. (I still can't believe this has even happened)
    Hugs to you...what a blessing you and your family are.

  2. Laurie, I surely understand! Can you imagine what worship is like in heaven? WOW! :)

    I know my posts are different, but I want the rawness of the reality of losing a child on the blog. It is an important reason why I started this blog... and I am very candid as well in the book when I am writing about grief and the aftermath, etc. You are not crazy, and if I had to guess you are not the only one out here that feels like that... and I am looking for that group of mamas! That was my inspiration in writing my book and now is my motivation for blogging! Hugs back friend! Much love! LW

  3. It's comforting to think of Sully playing with buddies and being rocked and sung to. But at the same time I want him to stay a baby so that I can rock him and sing to him. I also love that we can connect with other mamas and hopefully not feel as alone or crazy

  4. Jamie~ It is very comforting to think of our children playing with their buddies and I so agree, too, about wanting to rock Matthew as a baby! Shortly after Matthew passed away, a sweet friend of mine, who had lost a baby after birth 20 plus years before, sat me down and gave me an illustration that I have kept in my head and in my heart, and always will... She said she believed heaven had a huge nursery with lots of rocking chairs and the angels were rocking our babies until we got there. How that comforted my heart, and still does. I love to think about that, and I also love to imagine my boy throwing the football with his great grandfather! :) I can only imagine... :) I love connecting with you mamas out there! We are definitely not alone! Much love, LW