Monday, March 5, 2012

Find me...

When our oldest son Nathan was a toddler (2-3 yrs) his favorite thing to play was "Find Me."  He would ask me when his daddy was coming home so he could prepare to go and hide... mostly in the same cabinet that once held Tupperware, or either in the closet.  And when he would hear his daddy's car pulling in, he would run like crazy and hide... the door would open, and a sweet little voice would be in the background with two simple words repeating over and over... "FIND ME... FIND ME... FIND ME..."

It was one of the sweetest moments to watch as his daddy would engage in the "hunt" for finding our little Nate.  And the closer he got, you could hear the giggling and feel the anticipation in Nate... RW and I would take such delight in the moment that he was FOUND!  And we would all laugh and laugh and laugh... and do it all over again!

When you lose a child... you can find yourself in this simple little story...  Hiding from the world...Sometimes you are in the closet, in your room or buried in your work but the childlike voice from within is calling out in desperation...."find me..."

When you look in the mirror... that same voice... "find me..."
When you are at the grocery story.... that same voice.... "find me..."
When you are anywhere, anytime, the endless echo can be heard.... "find me..."

Do you ever feel like you are so lost?  So unrecognizable to your own self, so how could anyone else find you?  I still have moments when I stare in the mirror... For years I couldn't find myself in anything, I couldn't find my place in the world, I couldn't find myself in a group of mommies at the park, I couldn't find myself  worthy to be alive, since my baby boy was gone.  Where was I?

But inside I was dying to be found...  a silent death.  I was too afraid to admit my weakness to the world and the need that I had was too great to bear myself.  I longed for it to be still.... my world, my heart, my pain... the storm that was raging within.  I longed to be found.

The day I called out to Jesus, I was hiding from the world... and he 'found me' just like my husband found Nathan everyday after work!  And you know, to be honest, I still call out for Him to 'find me' on the days when I just seem to become overwhelmed... and sweet friends, He always comes.

Have a beautiful day!



  1. How beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with all of us! It is so comforting to know that someone else has been where you've been! Even though it's been 4 1/2 years since my Eden went to be with Jesus, sometimes it feels just like yesterday. It seems like you are able to put into words what I have felt or am feeling! Again, thank you!

    1. Oh I so agree Michelle... seems like yesterday for us too! Eden is such a beautiful name! Thank you for reading, although I am so sorry you are on this journey... Love & hugs! Lori

  2. glad to be on this path with a soul like you!
    thank you, Lori.
    you are a beautiful gift from the Lord.

  3. This is so true. After losing a child, it really does feel as if you've been lost, abandoned even. Thank you for putting this feeling into words!

    1. Love and hugs to you Dejah! I am so glad you received your book! I saw your post and just wanted to hug you! xoxo!!!

  4. This greatly touched my heart as it is exactly where I have been! Thank you sweet lady for this! Blessed that God has crossed our virtual paths! :)