When our oldest son Nathan was a toddler (2-3 yrs) his favorite thing to play was "Find Me." He would ask me when his daddy was coming home so he could prepare to go and hide... mostly in the same cabinet that once held Tupperware, or either in the closet. And when he would hear his daddy's car pulling in, he would run like crazy and hide... the door would open, and a sweet little voice would be in the background with two simple words repeating over and over... "FIND ME... FIND ME... FIND ME..."
It was one of the sweetest moments to watch as his daddy would engage in the "hunt" for finding our little Nate. And the closer he got, you could hear the giggling and feel the anticipation in Nate... RW and I would take such delight in the moment that he was FOUND! And we would all laugh and laugh and laugh... and do it all over again!
When you lose a child... you can find yourself in this simple little story... Hiding from the world...Sometimes you are in the closet, in your room or buried in your work but the childlike voice from within is calling out in desperation...."find me..."
When you look in the mirror... that same voice... "find me..."
When you are at the grocery story.... that same voice.... "find me..."
When you are anywhere, anytime, the endless echo can be heard.... "find me..."
Do you ever feel like you are so lost? So unrecognizable to your own self, so how could anyone else find you? I still have moments when I stare in the mirror... For years I couldn't find myself in anything, I couldn't find my place in the world, I couldn't find myself in a group of mommies at the park, I couldn't find myself worthy to be alive, since my baby boy was gone. Where was I?
But inside I was dying to be found... a silent death. I was too afraid to admit my weakness to the world and the need that I had was too great to bear myself. I longed for it to be still.... my world, my heart, my pain... the storm that was raging within. I longed to be found.
The day I called out to Jesus, I was hiding from the world... and he 'found me' just like my husband found Nathan everyday after work! And you know, to be honest, I still call out for Him to 'find me' on the days when I just seem to become overwhelmed... and sweet friends, He always comes.
Have a beautiful day!