It is NOT always easy...

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay, I am aggravated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting it all out now..............................................

You ever just have a moment when you want to scream???

This is me screaming for a hot minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes when I am completely overwhelmed, I have a meltdown until I can digest the information given to me.  And today, yep, today, I had information (regarding a doctor's appointment) that gave me a meltdown.

Okay, so I am sort of still in meltdown mode, thus all the exclamation points above.

BUT, I know this is just part of the process of it all for me.

I was on the phone with  my husband and he gently reminded me while I was in panic mode that this was part of our journey and it is not always easy...

Sigh.

I KNOW it is NOT always easy!

But I also know it is part of our journey.  And on our journey, God has never left us nor failed us.

This time will prove to be no different.

My husband continued to tell me it was going to be okay...

I said "I know it is going to be okay, I just don't 'feel' that right now, but I will."

Anybody ever 'feel' that way too?

You just know it is going to be okay, but you just don't 'feel' it at that moment.

So, I immediately turned on my worship music and decided I had to fight this fire with fuel, the right fuel, encouraging words, uplifting music and scriptures to remind me that this too shall pass...God is with us and always will be.

Faith, I have to have faith...and I would be misleading any of you if I told you faith was easy to have all the time!  Some days it's right there and I don't have to hold on to it, it's just constant...and then there's days (rather moments) like right now that I am grasping faith for my dear life.

And you know what, that's okay...that's part of life for me and part of me yielding to God and having to surrender it all every day, every day.

Yes, I am a Christian, but I struggle, I have tribulations, I fail, I sin, I hurt, I cry, I scream, (imagine that!) and I get really aggravated with circumstances sometimes.  BUT the good news is that even when I do all of the above, God gives me GRACE.  And He gives me the strength to make it through, always.

Truth is, life is difficult. 
Life after loss is even more difficult.  And I struggle sometimes with it all.  That's just authentic and I would be amiss to tell you any different.  I am a mother who lost her child and has life changing physical disabilities that I live with every day as a result.  Sometimes the circumstances really stink!

Like today. UGH!  (oops, there I go again!)

BUT I am here to tell you that my faith, my faith that I was grasping on to while ago for dear life has decided to just hang out now while I type!  It is amazing how God works like that when you give it all to Him.  Once again, please note, I give it all to Him sometimes fifteen times a day!  That's okay!  If you are stumbling, it's okay!  Just start over!  Take a breath and say here you go God!  And if you have to do that again in five minutes, that's okay!  God will take it again and again...and again!

Don't get down if you are struggling with your faith!  Or if you are having a bad day, week, etc...Surround yourself with the stuff that will lift you up.  Stay away from Negative Nellie and from anything that will bring you down further.  Trust me, you won't need any help with that!

So, here I am at the end of my aggravation and my circumstances have not changed,  not one bit, but my heart has...and I am grateful, so very grateful for ALL of my MANY blessings and for the joy and hope that God has given to me. 

I am very aware that in fifteen minutes I may need to come back and read this if I start to get aggravated with my circumstances and that's okay if I do...

Don't be so hard on yourself and you will find getting up is much easier when you are down!

You are going to get aggravated, scared, angry, and so on...maybe not today, but you will encounter feelings that swell up like mine did...don't push them aside, recognize them for what they are.  Conquer them, don't let them conquer you...My circumstances could have dictated this entire day, (and somewhere in my mind I think I am sort of entitled to that...but that is not the way God wants me to live!) instead I chose to give them to God, again!  And by doing so, my heart feels the joy that God has given to me.  No, I am not happy about the circumstances, but I have joy!  

There have been many, many, many times I have failed at this and I am sure I will fail many more in my lifetime but I am learning...I am learning every single day of my life that without faith I wouldn't be able to survive...and I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to!

The Serenity Prayer~

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference...

Amen