Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Don't judge my "cover" until you've read my "book"

I always steer toward the advice that you never know what the person next to you is facing, no matter how well they are "put together" or how their "cover" appears on the outside.

I will refer to my own life, my struggles and the appearance that all is well physically to those that "see" me.  My "cover" looks like I am a healthy, 39ish, (oh I wanted to say 25ish...) but my "book," my inside, the part that people don't see, is just the opposite.

I have blogged about my physical struggles several times and I am including one here called "The art and agony of being a cover girl."  Please take a moment to read, here.

Yesterday I posted the following status on my Facebook along with the photo of my bracelet.

I had a doctor appointment this morning for my feet. Neuropathy and progression of injuries are worsening. When I was talking to my doctor, I said "I went in to have a baby and eight years later, I am here." All of my injuries are from my uterine rupture so they are all related to Matthew's death. Stinks. It stinks! Anyhoo, when the nurse checked my blood pressure, it was 127/97. That could be from the intense pain I was in...or from me looking at that sweet baby in the lobby for twenty minutes. It's all related! I know to expect these moments so I wear my Serenity Prayer bracelet to all of my doctors appts, today was no different. It's amazing what deep breaths and this prayer will do!

I have been through so, so much physically over the last eight years.  It has been rough, ugly and difficult by all means.  But I am here, I am walking still and I am mothering my boys.  I am beyond grateful!!! And my heart is full of joy!  JOY!  I am not always happy about circumstances but happiness is circumstantial, joy is God-given!

My feet are ate up with neuropathy and crazy stuff but I can still wear shoes!  (did y'all know I love me some shoes?)  No, huh???  :)

On to the shoes...

Yesterday, I brought my doctor two of my flips that I wear at  home. He was quite surprised at the visual of the impressions of my shoes.  I am including these pics.  *It is important to tell you that my left big toe is the only toe part of the bottom of my feet that I feel, so when I stand, it takes the weight and carries me.  And the pressure, the stress point is evident in my shoes.  I wear custom soles in my athletic shoes, but I haven't figured a way out for me to put them in my high heels!  ;)  I better note that my doctors (all of them) are not fans of me wearing flip flops and especially high heels...BUT...)

These are my around the house shoes that I throw on to go outside or to the pool.

memory foam flip flops

These flips are only a month old, it hasn't taken long for me to wear that toe out!

I have to say, I get sad as I see the deterioration of my feet but it is happening. There's so much happening to my feet and legs but moment by moment and with God's grace, we get through it.

When people see me, this is what they see.  I have the agony completely covered up.  

*It is a huge miracle that I can walk, stand much less wear the shoes I have on!

These are my Sunday Shoes I wrote about last month!  

So once again, referring to my post earlier, there is an art and agony to being a cover girl.  That's why I thought I would drop the art of being a cover girl and tell you how it really is.

I am a survivor of something so tragic that claimed my son's life and claimed my physical health...and I have good days and I have bad days...but even on those bad days, finding something beautiful is the easiest thing I do.  I am blessed.

If you are struggling today or if you know someone that looks polished and put together, remember me! You never know what they are going through and what their shoes are like.

That's why I always say "don't judge my cover until you've read my book!"

Look beyond someone's cover today...and be blessed!

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